


I'm Home

by popushikuru



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Yakuza, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Red String of Fate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:02:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25115848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popushikuru/pseuds/popushikuru
Summary: Like the fool you are, you speak without thinking again.“I love you, Kei.”You say it like it’s the only thing you’re sure of and you suppose it sort of is. Your face burns realizing you confessed to your conscious soulmate. The soulmate who doesn’t love you.Your heart squeezes painfully when he replies.“I know.”--When you're thrown into a completely different world from your own, you learn about this really ridiculous thing called soulmates. You're sure the universe is just messing with you but you figure you can stay to find out who Tsukishima Kei is.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei & Reader, Tsukishima Kei/Reader
Comments: 22
Kudos: 196





	I'm Home

**Author's Note:**

> I read a bunch of soulmate AUs recently so I decided one morning to try writing one myself. Long and behold, I wrote this whole story the day the idea came to me. My brain is still wired in yakuza universe so here it is again!
> 
> I have a huge soft spot for Tsukishima because tsunderes just get me good.
> 
> Fun fact: I had surgery 2 wk ago so I typed this whole thing with a cast!! 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> WARNING: reader has a name & so this is not a traditional reader fic

You start to feel your lungs burn from holding your breath way past what you’re used to. You force your heavy eyelids open to see your wrinkled toes pressed against the edge of the tub, your shirt and shorts absently drifting from your body. At least you’ll be decent when someone finds you.

You exhale what’s left of your held breath and wait for the sweet release of a deep sleep. Your parents will probably sweep the death of their 24-year-old daughter under the rug so that no one blames them for raising you poorly. It’s not like you care anyways; you’re swallowing water at a rapid pace and it’ll all be over soon.

Except it doesn’t.

You’re extremely disappointed and confused when someone pulls you by the collar out of the water. How did someone find you so fast? You live alone.

You’re recklessly thrown onto the ground with a thud and the impact makes you cough out water. You lay curled up on your side coughing and spluttering, the water pooling by your face. However, it’s quickly absorbed by the dirt and grass pressed up against your face. _Wait, grass?_

You open your eyes and realize you’re not lying on your bathroom floor. In fact, you’re lying in some very muddy grass. You roll onto your back and the radiating sun makes you squint. You raise a hand to block the light but get immediately picked up by your collar again, brought face to face with a man scowling so hard you can’t help but imagine the deep wrinkles he’ll have when he’s older.

“Who are you?” he snarls.

You blink your eyes several times to clear up your vision. “Where am I?” He probably won’t like that you answered his question with another question.

“Don’t fuck around. Who are you?”

You frown. “Geez, somebody’s got their panties in a twist. Put me down and maybe I’ll talk.”

He grunts before abruptly dropping you on the ground. You land hard on your butt and immediately glare at him.

“Who are you?” he repeats.

“Nakamura Ichika,” you snarl. “Where am I?”

He kicks you in the thigh as if to tell you to stop asking questions. His kick is surprisingly weak, you’ve been hit with worse.

“Who do you work for?”

_What the fuck? Who the hell throws somebody onto the ground and then proceed to ask what you do for a living?_

“I’m unemployed,” you reply bitterly. “I don’t work for anyone.”

His frown miraculously becomes deeper, clearly unhappy with your answer. He reaches down to grab you by the collar again but this time you expect it and you throw your head to the side expecting a blow and whip out your hands in defence.

“Don’t you dare pick me up again,” you warn. You sneak a glance at the angry man and realize he’s no longer scowling. His eyes widen and his jaw slackens.

Before you can react, he aggressively snatches your arm and pulls it closer to his face. The stretch hurts your shoulder, but you swallow the whimper you were about to release and grimace instead. He heaves a sigh and scowls yet again.

Before you know it, you’re thrown over his shoulder, legs kicking and arms swinging.

\--

You’re thrown onto a couch by yours truly and you make sure to give him the dirtiest glare you can muster. He grunts before turning to leave.

He must be an idiot for leaving you alone. It looks like he just brought you to a house of some sorts. You could probably figure your way out.

You glance at the window and make a break for it. You’re still on the first floor, you can easily hop out.

“Wow! The first girl Kageyama brings home is immediately climbing out the window to escape. Now that’s just sad.”

You’re frozen, deer in headlights and slowly turn to face the source of the voice. It was another man, probably just taller than you with the brightest orange hair you’ve seen. _That can’t be his natural hair_ _colour_ , you think to yourself.

You slowly lower your hands and laugh sheepishly, as if caught picking out the last cookie from the cookie jar. You jump into a fighting stance when you see the scowling man again. Legs planted in an athletic stance, fists raised ready to punch. They didn’t need to know you have no idea how to fight.

Behind him, another man arrives looking surprised but otherwise friendly. It was a weird contrast to the first face you saw after waking up.

The gray-haired man smirks a little, probably because of your pathetic stance. He speaks first, “Hi Nakamura-chan. Kageyama told us he found you floating around in the lake near here. How’d you end up there?”

You try your best to hold up your fists even though your arms are already tired. So much for being menacing. You’ve got no muscle in your arms and they can barely hold your own damn arms up.

How the hell do you reply? You have no idea how you got here. That’s what you wanted to ask them. You reply with the only thing you’re sure of.

“I’m not from here,” you state confidently.

Your eyes dart across the three unfamiliar faces. They all seem to be observing you like you’re a damn animal at the zoo.

“Where am I?” You make sure to glare at the scowling man. “Why did you bring me here?”

The pleasant looking man hums before replying. “Well, to put it simply. We know the person tattooed on your wrist.”

You frown. “You’re bullshitting me. I’ve never gotten a tattoo before.”

“Well, Nakamura-chan. You should take a look at your wrist.”

Your eyes narrow suspiciously considering his suggestion. What the hell. Doesn’t hurt to check right? Your arms are shaking a little now anyways.

You slowly bring your fists back towards yourself and stare at your forearms.

_Tsukishima Kei._

Who the fuck is that?

\--

You sit impatiently on a bed in a small room wearing a new set of dry clothes. The gray-haired man named Sugawara tells you he’d appreciate it if you stayed put. There’s a bathroom connecting to the bedroom in which you’re welcome to use.

He tells you to try not to rearrange the room because it belongs to the man named Tsukishima. Sugawara’s never been in here before so he wouldn’t know how to help you fix it up if you move things. He tells you can choose to do whatever to keep yourself occupied.

Honestly, your mind was occupied enough. You recall your private conversation with Sugawara. Like the scowling man named Kageyama, he asks you who you’re working for. It confuses you why everyone seems to care about where you work.

He says you’re lucky to be found by Kageyama which makes absolutely no sense to you because Kageyama seems like the most unpleasant person you’ve ever met. It doesn’t make sense until he tells you that you’ve stumbled across a yakuza headquarters. How’s that for luck?

He tells you that the name on your wrist belongs to someone in Karasuno. That’s the name of their yakuza group, he explains. He’s currently away but will return in the evening.

You ask him what it means but it startles him. He tells you everyone knows about soulmate tattoos.

Well, lucky you. You’ve landed in a different universe with this stupid concept of soulmates.

The look you give him helps him realize you really aren’t from here. You tell him about where you’re from and, a little hesitantly the last thing you did before you got here. You figure it’s best to be honest.

It surprises you when he looks genuinely concerned. You appreciate that he doesn’t address your suicide attempt. He accepts your story.

You ask about this whole soulmate nonsense. He tells you about the inevitable link you have with your soulmate. Once you meet, there’s no telling how strongly you’ll bond.

Once again, he tells you you’re lucky. Not everyone is born with one. Like him for example. People like him hopelessly wander, never sure if the person they choose to be with is really the one for them.

_This is bullshit,_ you say. You’ve had enough of men and their lies.

You decide to explore the room. It’s rather empty and boring but you suppose you’ll be able to find something to do in the meantime. There are a few books on a shelf that don’t look interesting and a handgun in one of the drawers.

_Yakuza, huh?_ When you asked Sugawara about it, he didn’t want to expand too much. He told you that you didn’t have to worry about what they do for a living. It’ll be fine if you stay at headquarters and help out where you can.

You measure up the weight of the gun in your hand. You’ve never held one before and it’s heavier than you thought. You could probably just shoot yourself right now and end it all. However, some part of you is curious to see what awaits you. You can change your mind later. You place it back in the drawer.

By the bed stand, you find a phone and some headphones. You frown when you realize the phone has a passcode. There’s no way you could guess it.

You’re startled when the door opens. A tall man with ruffled blonde hair walks in. It’s hard to see his eyes from the glare off his glasses but you can tell he’s frowning with the rest of his face.

“Who the fuck are you?”

\--

You’re instructed to stay in the room again and this time you choose to lie on the floor. You wonder how old your soulmate is by the way he yells at Sugawara, reprimanding him for bringing you here. You’re unable to hear Sugawara’s calm, soft replies after Tsukishima continues to snarl at him.

Something about “You’re literally trying to kill me” and “That’s not for you to decide.” You wonder what he’s so angry about. By the way he immediately frowns upon seeing you, you wonder if it’s because of your appearance. You’re not particularly blessed with a beautiful face and body but you’re better than plain.

According to Sugawara, isn’t finding your soulmate a good thing? You figure you could stick around long enough to see how this plays out. You make sure not to keep your hopes up. Although, it wouldn’t be the first time someone disappointed you.

Tsukishima storms back into the room, fuming. He doesn’t spare a glance at you even when you sit up from the ground.

Okay, maybe it really is your looks.

“Hey soulmate,” you joke. “What’s gotten you so worked up?”

He glares at you and clicks his tongue before abruptly emptying his drawers. He doesn’t take everything, but he leaves the room rather hollow once he’s done with it.

“Why are you so upset that I’m here?” you snap. “Isn’t it a good thing we’ve found each other?”

“No,” he snarls. “I don’t want to be responsible for you.”

You frown. “What do you mean?”

He sighs heavily. “Of course, Suga doesn’t tell you the most important part about soulmates. If soulmates meet, no matter the strength of the bond, if one dies, the other one follows.”

\--

You find out Tsukishima refuses to occupy the same room as you, so he sleeps on the couch. The rest of his belongings are in his only friend Yamaguchi’s room.

The next evening when you chop vegetables next to Sugawara, you ask him what he meant about the soulmate bond. He sighs, telling you he didn’t want you to worry about it since you’re linked to a man working in a yakuza, a rather dangerous job. He tells you after meeting your soulmate, you immediately bond.

This confuses you because you most definitely did not feel any bond with Tsukishima. Anyways, depending on how the relationship develops, if one dies, the other inevitably dies too. If your connection is intense, sometimes the other dies almost immediately. To be honest, it sounds super cliché.

The creepy thing is that if you lose your soulmate and don’t die immediately, a date appears next to their name. The date of when you inevitably die. It could be days, weeks, years depending on the strength of your relationship. It really varies.

You bite your lip raw when you think about this discovery. Although just the other day you were ready to die, it doesn’t mean you’re ready to take down someone with you. Even if he’s the foulest person you’ve ever met. And that’s saying a lot because you met Kageyama.

You try to brush the thought aside and get into a new daily routine. You meet everyone at Karasuno and everyone seems rather pleasant. You could’ve been happy with literally anyone else other than Tsukishima Kei. Excluding Kageyama of course.

They keep you generally in the dark about what they do. You regularly help them cook which has actually been rather fun and you clean where needed.

One night, you’re startled awake when Tsukishima opens your bedroom door. Or his technically. As if his entrance wasn’t enough of a surprise, he limps his way across the room.

“What happened to you?” you whisper.

It’s too dark for you to really assess him and you mostly work off of your hearing senses. You hear his characteristic “tch” as he fumbles through his drawers. You hear the rustle of clothing as he removes his shirt with difficulty and rolls up his pant leg. You hear him hiss when he tries to wipe his wounds.

“Let me help,” you say. You offer even though you have no idea how serious it is, and you don’t even have the bare minimum first aid skills.

“I’m fine,” he hisses.

“Stop being so stubborn.”

You turn on the lamp on the bed stand and cautiously shuffle to him. With the dim lighting, it’s only now you notice how many bloody gashes he has all over his body. The blood continues to slowly drip down his torso and it makes you cringe.

“I’ll get another cloth,” you decide.

When you return with a wet cloth, you kneel and look up at him expectantly. You haven’t really interacted much the last two weeks and suddenly it’s gotten very intimate with his toned body staring back at you.

To your surprise, he nods. You bite your lip as you wipe his blood and he flinches when you rub a particularly bad spot.

“Sorry,” you mumble.

When you look at his pained face, it makes your stomach twist. You get up before you think about it too long and rinse the cloth in the adjoined bathroom. When you return, you don’t ask for permission and proceed to gently wipe him down. He winces in response.

When his chest starts to clear up, you finally notice his tattoo. Your name looks so little on the expanse of his pec and seeing your name so close to his heart makes your chest flutter. You tell yourself to stay focused and continue cleaning him up.

His silence intimidates you a little, but you tell yourself he’s probably in a lot of pain.

“You look like you jumped out of a window or something,” you joke lightly.

“I did jump out of a window.”

Your hand stops moving when you look at him with a deadpan look. When his eyes stay fixed on his lap, you realize he’s not joking.

“Oh…” you manage. “Um, do you have disinfectant?”

He grunts and gestures to the alcohol wipes on his table with his chin. You grab multiple and with shaking hands, you rip a packet open.

“Tell me if it’s too much okay?”

You wait for his nod and dab it. You try to be extra careful with the cuts on his face. When you get to his now clean back, you feel your face warm and your hormones act up. You watch the way his back flexes when you dab the cuts and you break into a sweat.

When you finish wrapping his body with bandages, he slowly gets up to find a change of clothes. He limps to the bathroom and closes the door quietly.

When he returns, you turn to look at him with a worried look.

“You should sleep in the bed,” you say.

“Suga says you’re not allowed to sleep on the couch.”

You leave the room and come back with a sleeping bag. “Okay, I’ll sleep on the floor then.”

He frowns but doesn’t fight you.

\--

Days go by and you start to figure out what life looks like co-living with Tsukishima.

You don’t see each other much during the day. He’s either out on missions or training in the facilities in the basement. When he leaves, he leaves for multiple days and you’re able to settle back into the comfort of his bed. When he’s back, you try to make small talk but he makes it excruciatingly difficult.

You make sure to do a deep clean of the bedroom and bathroom only while he’s away so that he doesn’t grumble at you for moving around his things.

With your attempted conversations, you learn that he’s 2 years older than you, his favourite colour is green and that he used to play volleyball. To your surprise, his favourite food is a dessert. Strawberry shortcake seems too sweet for him to like, but you accept his answer.

The questions you ask are never personal, and because he never asks you for your answers in return, you offer it anyways. You even tell him things about yourself that you didn’t ask him. Like how your favourite flower is a peony and how you never learned how to braid.

You even find yourself rambling about your own serious matters. It wasn’t like you were ever returning anyways.

One late night, you tell him nonchalantly how you were engaged at the tender age of 22. You tell him how you were pathetically dumped just a couple months ago. It wasn’t like you didn’t know that your fiancé was cheating on you all those years. You just believed he could change. You tell Tsukishima how you naively believed him when he told you that you were the only one for him.

You tell him because of your rash decisions, you also didn’t get along with your parents. You never spoke to each other again after moving in with your ex-fiancé.

Without thinking, you also tell him about your ongoing battle with depression. You tell him it’s ironic that you’re here because you were trying to escape the pathetic life you were living. It’s the first time you reveal this detail since your first conversation with Sugawara.

It feels refreshing to talk to a good listener. You’re tired of people feeling sorry for you, telling you you’re perfect just the way you are. You know you aren’t.

You’re glad he doesn’t say anything when you tell him about your old life. There was nothing to be said anyways. The universe just likes to fuck with you.

One night, you contemplate finally asking him for a favour. You’ve always wanted to borrow his phone and headphones. The phone doesn’t have any service, but it’d be nice to listen to some music again.

You lie in your sleeping bag, glancing between the ceiling and Tsukishima lying in bed. Despite all you’ve shared with him, you figure this should be easy to ask. It isn’t though. You’ve never asked for a favour from him before.

“Hey soulmate.” You decide to stick to the silly name you called him the day you met.

“What,” he grumbles from the bed.

“Is it okay if I listen to music on your phone? When you’re not here?”

Silence.

Maybe you shouldn’t have asked. Giving someone access to your phone is pretty intimate.

“Fine.”

You whip your head towards him so fast, you get a little dizzy.

“Wait, really?” you ask a little too excitedly.

“Yes,” he states.

“Thanks soulmate!” you laugh.

“Stop calling me that.”

You giggle. “Wait, what’s your passcode?”

“0-1-0-5”

You jolt upright. “What?”

“0-1-0-5, you dipshit. I’m not repeating myself again,” he grunts.

“No what the fuck. Is this supposed to be cute or something? Did you ask Suga for my birthday?”

“Tch. What the fuck? No. Why the hell would I do that?”

You sigh. “That’s my birthday. January 5th.”

Tsukishima is silent and unmoving. If you didn’t already know the way he breathes when he sleeps, you would’ve thought he fell asleep. You watch his broad back rise and fall from under the covers.

“I just picked some random numbers,” he mutters.

You aggressively lie back down in your sleeping back and stare at the ceiling.

_Even this soulmate universe likes to fuck with you,_ you decide.

\--

It was one of those days when your depression hit hard. The air feels especially suffocating and it takes all you have to just breathe and calm yourself down. Sometimes, you cry for no apparent reason. Or maybe because of too many reasons.

You found solace in lying on the bathroom floor of your apartment, so you do it in Tsukishima’s bathroom too. You crawl from your sleeping bag into the bathroom and melt into the ground. You find it calming to lie on your side, your cheek flat against the cool tiles. It was nice to only focus on the chilling feeling but the calming presence doesn’t last very long.

Today, you feel especially hopeless. It’s been almost a month with Tsukishima and he’s barely spoken a word to you. Despite you constantly pressing him with silly questions, his face never cracks into a smile no matter how dumb you sound.

Often, he was off for missions and when he was back, you’d assume your spot on the floor and he wouldn’t argue with you about it.

What were you still doing here? You told yourself it’d be amusing to see how things played out, but nothing has really happened. Tsukishima doesn’t care about you despite your supposed soulmate bond. This was all bullshit just like you thought.

You sigh. Here you were lying on the bathroom floor again over a boy. Another stupid, inconsiderate boy. You really haven’t learned your lesson. You need to stop falling for awful guys who don’t care about you.

You’re startled when a large hand grabs your shoulder and flips you onto your back. You look up in bewilderment to see Tsukishima bent over you with widened eyes and a gaping mouth. It takes him a moment before he says anything.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he snaps at you.

You’re not sure how else to describe the situation other than how it really is. “I was lying on the ground.”

He slumps backwards with a sigh. “I thought you were dead,” he mutters. His face relaxes as he runs a hand through his hair. Was that relief?

You slowly sit up and stare back at him. He rubs his left pec soothingly, like his heart suffered a traumatic event. You feel a flutter in your stomach. You didn’t think he’d be so relieved to see you alive.

You absentmindedly pull on your fingers and that’s when it hits you. You’re linked. If you die, he does too. He’s just rubbing his tattoo, the reminder that you’re his dead weight.

The realization leaves a sour taste in your mouth and you curl your legs up so that you can hug your knees. Your gaze stays fixed on the bathroom tiles.

“I should’ve known. You’re not even worried about me. You just don’t want to die yet,” you mutter.

You don’t notice the way he looks at you with softened eyes. The way they narrow with hurt.

His silence hurts you more than you’d like to admit.

You tell yourself he’s your dead weight too. Your conscience tells you that you can’t kill yourself because his death will haunt you even in the afterlife.

\--

You tell yourself the link is forced. It’s all just some façade the people of this universe conjured up to believe there’s true love. _Well, too bad universe. You can’t tell me what you do._

You probably only feel a hint of affection towards Tsukishima because of this whole nonsense. Someone tells you you’ll love him, and you pathetically really try to. You hate yourself for it. You want to make your own decisions for once.

You’re sitting at the kitchen island with a drunk Sugawara. The plan was to let loose since no one else was home but you found yourself taking very small sips. You know you don’t handle alcohol well so you try not to drink a lot.

In his drunken state, he tells you the sad story of how sometimes soulmates don’t end up connecting. One could live years without the other after they die. However, he said it’s rare.

When he empties another glass of wine, he tells you he’s a terrible person. When you ask him why, he pours himself another glass before replying.

He says his biggest wish is for Daichi to never meet his soulmate. You never realized Sugawara was in love with the yakuza leader, but it somehow doesn’t surprise you.

In this moment, you’re sure the universe is fucked up. Making people fall for people who already have soulmates is asking for someone’s heart to be shattered into a million pieces.

Why does someone as sweet as Sugawara get cursed with this fate?

\--

One night, Tsukishima comes back from a mission wheezing in Yamaguchi’s arms. His ribs are broken, and his lung collapsed. He even has a bullet wound in his leg to top it all off.

He’s especially resistant to your help but you force it on him anyways. Having dealt with multiple injured members the last couple months, you’ve gotten a hang of this first aid thing and you’re not that bad anymore.

The following nights are horrid for you. You lay in your sleeping bag wide awake, listening to Tsukishima’s laboured breathing. It makes your heart clench listening to how hard he has to fight for each breath.

One night, you decide to join him in bed. To your surprise, he doesn’t click his tongue at you or swat you away. You figure it’s because he’s too exhausted to fight you.

You choose not to lie down with him but sit upright. You lean against the headboard, heart clenching as you watch such a large, beautiful man look so small and vulnerable.

You hesitantly reach for his ruffled hair and he flinches in response to your touch. He doesn’t say anything, so you decide to proceed. You gently run your fingers through his hair, lightly scratching his scalp. He still wheezes but his breaths become slower and slower as he drifts off into sleep.

You watch him longingly and continue to comb your fingers through his hair even though he’s already asleep. For some reason, the sensation is calming for you too. The warm feeling you get stemming from the pit of your stomach spreads and it makes you confused. _How is it possible for me to care for someone more than I hate myself?,_ you ask yourself.

When you’re sure he’s asleep, you find yourself admitting that you’ve fallen for the universe’s trap.

“I love you, Kei,” you whisper.

\--

You lie in Tsukishima’s bed and find comfort being enveloped in his scent. You pull the covers closer towards your nose and breathe in the familiar scent. It’s been two weeks since you admitted your love to your sleeping soulmate, and he’s shown no signs of hearing it.

You’re glad. You don’t really want to talk about it.

You’re surprised to hear the door creep open. Tsukishima was supposed to return tomorrow morning. If you’d known, you would’ve set up your sleeping bag instead.

You selfishly plot to pretend to be asleep. You’re curious to see if he’ll carry you into the sleeping bag, sleep in the sleeping bag himself or even better, climb into bed with you. The only time you’ve ever been in bed together was when you embarrassingly declared your love for him. Your face heats up at the memory.

He enters the bathroom to take a shower before preparing for bed. You lie on your side facing the bathroom entrance, slightly opening one eye so that you get another chance to see his naked torso. And how your name is so beautifully written on his chest. That too, you remind yourself.

He throws on a shirt and quickly turns off the light in the bathroom. You hear him shuffle around and the sound of him placing his glasses on the bed stand. You’re both engulfed in darkness and you close your eyes, waiting for the universe to decide your fate.

Who will be in the sleeping bag tonight?

You feel the bed dip as he climbs into the bed. _Does he not see that you’re already here? Who is this man? Is this still Tsukishima?_

He settles in the bed and you squint through the small opening your eyelid allows to see his face very, very close to yours. His head casually rests on the inside of his bicep and it makes you blush. You pray he doesn’t feel the heat waves radiating off your face.

You feel his breath tickle your face and it gives you goosebumps. You squeeze your eyes closed, reminding yourself that you’re supposed to be pretending to sleep right now.

“I’m home, Ichika,” his low, husky voice grumbles inches from your face.

You stiffen and your breath hitches. Your eyes abruptly snap open. He’s startled to see you stare back so intently and you almost hear a gasp. You stare at each other in silence and you watch the way his shoulders slowly relax, lowering from his ears.

Like the fool you are, you speak without thinking again.

“I love you, Kei.”

You say it like it’s the only thing you’re sure of and you suppose it sort of is. Your face burns realizing you confessed to your conscious soulmate. The soulmate who doesn’t love you.

Your heart squeezes painfully when he replies.

“I know.”

\--

The next afternoon, you wake up to an empty bed. You reach your hand over to rub the place he was lying just the night before. It hurts more than you’d like to admit when you realize it’s cold.

You were so stupid. What were you expecting by telling him that? He’s reminded you a number of times that you’re just a nuisance. Some dead weight the universe has assigned to him.

You feel ashamed. The weak part of you hoped he could love you back but the rational part of you told you that wasn’t true. He only keeps you around so you don’t kill him.

When you crawl your way to the bathroom floor and settle into your usual curled up state, the cool tiles hit you with a realization. If your connection is weak with your soulmate, they can still live years after you’re gone. That’s not so bad of an idea isn’t it? Tsukishima works as a member of the yakuza, he wasn’t going to live that long anyways.

You tell Sugawara from inside the bathroom that you don’t want to eat today. He knows you have these episodes and he tries to support you the best he can. He tells you he’ll come up with dinner once everyone is finished eating.

He’s made you promise to talk to him when you have suicidal thoughts. This time, you’re not sure how he’ll be able to get you over this slump.

Your shoulders begin to shake, and you cry out loudly. You hug yourself tighter as you cry, letting your tears and snot slide down the side of your face. How could this happen to you again? Why was the universe so unfair?

You cried until your throat was raw and burning, until your eyes were swollen and tired, until you shivered against the tears on your face.

You haven’t moved an inch since you got here and you’re too tired to even move. You eventually drift asleep.

You’re startled awake when someone shakes you and holds you in their arms. You blink tiredly at Tsukishima’s distressed expression and it confuses you why he looks that way.

“I thought you died, Ichika,” he whispers. It’s the second time you’ve heard him say your first name and you really like it. It sounds much better when it’s his voice saying it.

“I just fell asleep,” you mumble.

He pulls you against his chest and you can feel his breathing waver as he tries to calm down. You hesitantly grip his chest and nuzzle your nose into the crook of his neck. It feels like you’re being spoiled with something you don’t deserve. His scent is reassuring but you can’t help but feel like it’s wrong for you to feel so happy in his embrace.

He releases his tight hold on you and looks down at you with such soft and warm eyes, it makes you melt. He lets you sit upright on your own and it’s only then that you notice a bouquet of peonies thrown carelessly on the floor. Some petals are even scattered from how recklessly they were dropped.

The little tag tied by the ribbons is flipped the right way for you to read.

_“Ichika – One thousand flowers._

_Please be patient. I have a lifetime to gift you 1000 flowers._

_I love you. Home is where you are._

  * _Kei”_



Your heart swells at the message. Of course, this dork knows what your name means, and he musters up something cheesy with it by gifting you your favourite flowers.

You look up to beam at Tsukishima’s face and but realizes his face twisting in a way that makes you hurt for him. He remains kneeling on the floor, head lowered as if to formally apologize to you.

“Please keep on living, Ichika. I know it’s hard. But please, don’t stay alive _because_ of me. Stay alive to be _with_ me,” he pleads with his heart on his sleeve.

Your whole being is overwhelmed when you soak in his words. You fling your arms around his neck and begin to cry. You feel his arms wrap around you and pull you more tightly against his chest.

“I love you,” you cry.

“I love you,” he mumbles into your neck. The vibrations make your heart flutter.

When you pull apart, he laces his fingers through yours and your heart melts when he places a soft kiss on the inside of your wrist, where his name is so beautifully written. You unlace your fingers and grasp his cheeks with both hands, placing a chaste kiss on his lips.

His mouth is soft and sweet against your unworthy mouth. His hands fall to your hips, squeezing you tenderly. You crawl into his lap to straddle him and continue to place gentle kisses on his soft lips.

You thread your fingers into his hair as you kiss him more deeply and his lips part for you. He tastes like mint and you melt into the warmth of his mouth. You draw back slowly, trying to savor the taste of his lips on yours. His eyes flutter open and his lips remain parted. He continues to breathe hotly onto your wet lips.

He grips your thighs and hoists you up. You embarrassingly welp in surprise and he chuckles. He smugly smirks at you before placing his lips back onto yours.

Somewhere along the way to his bed, both your clothes wind up scattered across the floor.

Tsukishima’s never been one for words. Through his passion and gentleness, he spends all night reminding you why you want to live.

You want to live to be with your soulmate.

\--

Things go well between you and your soulmate and you’re in this constant state of bliss. You’ve never been one for romantic gestures, but you decide to do one anyways. You’re excited to see how Tsukishima will react.

You wonder if you should thank Kageyama for deciding to bring you here. You recall how Sugawara told you he debated leaving you there in the lake so that Tsukishima would never find out who he’s linked to. So that Tsukishima’s life isn’t tied down to another person.

However, even a nutball like Kageyama recognizes how special a soulmate bond is. You suppose you could swallow your pride and thank him for bringing you to meet your other half. Your reason for living.

You brush the thought aside as you prepare your gift to Tsukishima. You know that after a strenuous day of training, Tsukishima will always drag his feet into the kitchen for a snack. Today, he’s surprised to see you in an apron hunched over the counter.

He smiles at the sight of you. Since no one is around, he sneaks up behind you to wrap his arms around your waist and lifts you up with ease. You giggle a little too loudly and you clap your hand over your mouth to muffle the sounds.

He holds you still in the air when he realizes what you’re working on. You turn your head to watch the edge of his lips curve into a smile.

“You remembered,” is all he says.

You wiggle in his arms to hold his face in your hands and then you kiss him chastely on the lips. When you part, both your eyes are hooded as you press your foreheads together. He gives you a wet kiss on your cheek before putting you down.

“Ew, gross Kei!” You exclaim as you wipe his saliva with the back of your hand.

He smirks as he picks up a fork to try the strawberry shortcake. You watch him expectantly, praying it’s to his tastes. It’s his favourite dish after all.

“How is it?” you ask.

“How about you try it yourself?”

Before you can react, he smears whip cream all over your mouth and cheek with a wide grin on his face. His eyes light up seeing you so surprised and angry.

“Kei!! What the fuck!”

He laughs and threads his fingers in your hair to hold you in place before sweeping his hot and wet tongue across your face. Your face twists in disgust and you try to push him away.

“Ew Kei! You’re so gross!” you squeal.

You both jolt when a low voice grumbles from behind you. You both slowly crane your necks in horror to see a very, _very_ angry Kageyama.

“You guys are both fucking gross.”

Guess you won’t be thanking him anytime soon.

\--

Months after confessing your love to each other, Tsukishima doesn’t return from a mission. You’ve never seen Yamaguchi sob so wretchedly. He’s overcome with guilt for having left his best friend behind. For leaving your soulmate behind.

You’re stunned when he kneels at your feet, forehead against his hands as he apologizes profusely. He doesn’t even beg for forgiveness, he just apologizes.

You’re not really sure how to react. Your blood’s run cold and you don’t feel a single thing in your body.

Sugawara sits you down and for the first time, he tries to explain the situation to you. What the mission was for, who was holding your soulmate captive. Usually you’d be ecstatic to finally learn more about Tsukishima and his job. But everything he says goes through one ear and out the other.

Sugawara tries to tell you not to do anything rash. He tells you they’ll be sending their best team to retrieve him. They just needed some time to figure out how.

He even tells you that Kageyama has volunteered to be on the rescue mission. He tells you how Kageyama blames himself for the pain you’re experiencing. He brought you to Tsukishima, it only makes sense that he should be the one who brings Tsukishima back to you.

Sugawara cradles your shaking and cold hands in his. You only know that he’s holding your hands because you’re staring right at it. You don’t feel anything. You don’t feel anything without your soulmate.

He reassures you that he’s alive. He tells you to find solace that you’re alive and that there’s no date on your wrist. You understand that much but it doesn’t really resonate with you.

You spend weeks on the bathroom floor. You stare at nothing. You don’t even feel the chill of the tiled floor on your face anymore. You don’t feel anything anymore.

Every day, you scratch at your wrist. You wait for the date of your death sentence to appear. A part of you wants to give up. Death is easier, you tell yourself. Death isn’t this painful.

You cry when you remember you’re not responsible for your own life anymore. You’re responsible for Tsukishima Kei; your best friend, your lover, your soulmate.

You remind yourself you love this man more than you hate yourself.

\--

When Kageyama returns with Tsukishima’s arm slung over his shoulder, your heart drops. Tsukishima is so swollen and bloody, you can barely recognize him. You run to cradle him in your lap. You don’t realize you’re crying until you see your tears drip onto his bloody face. You quickly assess his body.

He’s filled with holes. So many holes.

You recognize stab wounds, bullet holes and some shapes you don’t even recognize. You desperately cling onto his torn, bloody shirt while your other hand cups his face.

You vaguely hear Kageyama behind you. “He’s almost dead,” he mutters. “I think he’s been fighting to stay alive to see her again.”

You ignore the bastard. He never has anything good to say anyways.

“You’re safe now,” you say. You rock Tsukishima’s head back and forth in your arms. “I’m here. I’m here, Kei. I’m here.”

He stares blankly back at you. You’re not even sure if he can even tell it’s you. At this point, you can’t even tell it’s him because the tears are coming down so hard and fast, it obscures your vision.

“I can help you now. I’ll stitch you back up like usual,” you choke.

Tsukishima’s eyes are so vacant, you feel the urge to shake him. You want to tell him it’s you. _Kei, listen to me you bastard! It’s your fucking soulmate god damn it!_

“Just… hold on. I-I need more time,” you plead desperately. “Stay alive, Kei.”

Tsukishima surprises you when he shakily inhales. It sounds more like a wheeze. You’re reminded of the night you stroked his hair to sleep. You remember the night you confessed your love to him for the first time. It feels so long ago.

“Kei!” you shout. Your voice takes on an unfamiliar edge of hysteria.

You cradle his head closer to your chest and you sob uncontrollably. Seeing how lifeless he is in your arms; you feel intense betrayal.

“You bastard!” Your voice cracks. “You hypocritical bastard!” You look down at him desperately.

“I’m living!” you scream. “You told me to…” you choke. “You told me to live. You told me to live to be with you.”

When you look down at him, he chokes on his own blood and a fresh line of blood trails down his chin. You realize that despite his vacant eyes, tears spill down his cheeks.

If you didn’t see his hand lift to hold your face, you wouldn’t have known he moved. He smears a line of blood on your face with his thumb, but you don’t care. You cup his large hand with yours and lean into his touch.

You almost miss it when he manages to choke out some words.

“I’m… home… Ichika…”

You look down at him stunned. Your shoulders shake uncontrollably when you see the weak smile he tries to muster.

“Don’t leave me,” you plead. The sound that escapes your throat is nothing you’ve ever made before, “Don’t leave me, Kei. I love you. I love you. Isn’t that enough?”

You curse the universe for wronging you yet again. This is your soulmate. Your other half, your protector, your best friend. The link finally makes sense to you. It’s not all bullshit.

Tsukishima Kei is part of your soul. You can’t imagine a life without him.

His hand goes slack in yours and his smile fades. You slump forward, cradling him on your lap and resting your forehead against his. A part of you wants to shake him so hard he’ll have to wake up. But you know he’s gone – you felt him leave you.

Before you can even begin to feel the burning sensation of a date on your wrist, your chest burns instead. Your throat tightens and you realize you can’t breathe.

You feel like you’re drowning. You tell yourself it’s time. It’s time to exhale the breath you’ve been desperately holding.

It’s time to go.

\--

You gasp for air when your head surfaces from the body of water. You pant trying to catch your breath and when you open your eyes, you realize you’re lying in the bathtub you climbed into a lifetime ago.

Your hands are tightly gripping the edge of the tub and it makes your arms shake because of how hard you’re clenching it. You jolt in realization and turn your hand to face your wrist upwards. You’re disappointed to see that the little characters you’ve found comfort in are no longer there.

Your raw throat and burning chest remind you of your fresh wounds. You’re certain it’s not from almost drowning. You’re certain the pain is from your fresh heartbreak. You died and now you’ve miraculously come back.

You abruptly stand up in the tub and change into another set of clothes. You inspect your body hoping to find his name somewhere else on your limbs, back or breasts. It doesn’t surprise you when you find nothing.

_I need a fucking drink,_ you decide.

You make it down your apartment complex and make a hard right towards the liquor store. You’ve walked by the flower shop many times before, but this time it stops you mid stride. The collection of peonies catches your eye and they draw you in closer.

You’re surprised you even have tears left in you when they begin to pool at the edges of your eyes. You remember the first bouquet Tsukishima gave you and the cheesy note he attached with it. Your breathing wavers at the memory.

You reach for the flower and inhale deeply. Despite its usual strong scent, it seems faint to you.

You’re startled when a familiar voice speaks from beside you. Even the click of his tongue is all too familiar. A part of you is too scared to look up but you know you’ll have to eventually.

“Tch. Please don’t cry on the flowers if you’re not planning to buy them.”

You look up into those familiar eyes and realize your heart is in your throat.

You walked past this shop every day since you moved in with your ex-fiancé 2 years ago. He was gracious enough to let you stay even after he broke things off with you.

It turns out the universe was trying to tell you something. Maybe it wasn’t plotting against you this whole time.

In a world with no soulmates, the universe was trying to tell you he was here all along.

Tsukishima Kei has been waiting for you.

You smile even though the irritated flower shop employee is scowling at you.

_I’m home, Kei._

**Author's Note:**

> What a roller coaster! I shamefully teared up writing my own story lol.
> 
> I'm really glad how nicely this turned out despite my very minimal planning. It was fun playing around with how the universe treats Reader (sorry i put you through a lot of shit). She's feisty on the outside and soft and squishy on the inside hehe :) Although it seems like another mistake that she falls in love, it's all worth it in the end. 
> 
> I also really love Kageyama (another bb tsundere) and I feel bad I roasted him so badly in this fic lol. I will redeem you one day


End file.
